Gratitude

Another cycle around the sun completed. It was a beautiful Tuesday. Good vibes & Good companies. Fancy restaurant. Good food and Good wine & It is a deeply humbling experience to treat yourself like a child, to be kind, over and over again when simple tasks seem insurmountable . This is what radical self-care looks like, just being unbearably kind to yourself. It was a brief respite from everything going on so far and reminded me that there is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes, that’s all there is left to say. I am grateful. Grateful for what I have at this very moment, for the love of family and friends, for the failures survived and the possibilities that are right around the corner. Grateful for this human body and soul existing in this precise moment. I am very grateful. I am also grateful for those who always remembered me, who always reached out to me, even when they were struggling. I am so thankful for friends who dedicated their times in sending me birthday wishes. Those are the ones who remind me that there is much to be grateful in life through smalls acts of kindness.

No one tells you how much the way the world moves through you changes. How it passes year after year and turns you into something else. How you’ll never be exactly the same as you once were, how you shift like a river at its banks.

How time blunts your edges, how grief swallows you whole, how the light in the trees will never be exactly quite like how it was in childhood, how everything changes suddenly one day and you don’t even know the person you were. I have been thinking a lot about time – about how in the last few years, time has become compressed because of this pandemic, how we are forced to live in the now, how the choice of pondering about a future – any future, really – seems removed from us. Specially when you are living in a country like haiti, Politically unstable. The security situation is very precarious. Kidnapping/Gang violence is a persistent concern. increases in food prices, And isn’t it quite a depleting sentiment, to feel like you have no choice in the future, no choice in any aspect of your future? Everyone is tired. I am fucking tired. Yet, the machines keep moving, the cogs keep turning, and the game continues to be played. Why? I am constantly fantasising – yes, that is the word I will use – about how rest looks like? What is a nurturing environment for me? How can I create this environment?